Star Trek DS9: Starting Season Four

After a bit of a break, we're back to Deep Space Nine...

•  …and we start with the two-parter, "The Way of the Warrior". They sped up the opening theme--it was a big slow--and added more CGI. It's Klingon "Fleet Week" at the station, and Sisko needs some help--from a certain Starfleet Klingon looking for work. Worf (Michael Dorn) ioins the series with this episode, and much of the action surrounds him. The Klingon Empire attacks Cardassia, using an insurrection there and the previous Dominion war as an excuse--and breaks off diplomatic relations with the Federation. It's more honor and duty hoopla, and Barney Google aka Gowron (Robert O'Reilly) drops by. There's a big battle with the Defiant, Cardassians, and the Klingons--and it seems the station got yet another set of weapons upgrades. There's even hand to hand combat on the station--looks like Call of Duty--I don't think Gene Roddenberry would have approved. In the end, the Klingons and the Federation are essentially at war.
• After all the action (and expense) of the last episode, we go to a character story--"The Visitor"--starring Benjamin and Jake. The elder Sisko gets pulled out of technobabble phase, and Jake lives the rest of his life without him with rare exceptions when Ben drops in and out of his life, each time only for a few minutes. The older Jake (Tony Todd), now dying, is visited by a young writer who wants to know why he stopped writing. We get an alternate future where a) DS9 is handed off to the Klingons; b) Jake moves to Earth and marries a Bajoran girl; c) she leaves him due to his obsession to find Ben; and d) Captain Nog (?!?!) and the crew (with lots of old-age makeup) return with the Defiant to save Ben. More technobabble and a suicide later, this history is erased, Ben is saved, and all is back to normal. It's widely considered to be one of the finest episodes of DS9--not sure if I would agree, it seems a bit maudlin.
• Bashir gets a chance to shine in "Hippocratic Oath". He and O'Brien are captured by a Jem'Hadar group, and our doctor ends up running drug rehab for them. There's a whole "Bridge over the River Kwai" vibe to it--Bashir is torn between his job to heal and his orders to fight the Dominion, while O'Brien has no interest in helping them. There's also a B-story with Worf falling into old Security Chief habits, which means he butts heads with Odo.
• We get two views of Love, Federation Style in "Indiscretion". Kira and Gul Dukat look for survivors of a prisoner ship--he's there to find and apparently kill his daughter, who the result of a tryst with a Bajoran. There's a lot of dialogue between them--looks like they needed to save more money on the show. There's an obscure race--the Breen--who appear to have the same outfit as Princess Leia while she was rescuing Han. Meanwhile, Sisko is getting cold feet as Kasidy Yates pushes him to move their relationship forward. Mindy noted that it was lucky that the only two African-Americans in the Federation found each other.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

More Arrested Development

Let's cover the remaining new episodes of Arrested Development--

• Now this is more like it! The first six Netflix episodes were rather depressing, but then Gob Bluth arrived! Why is Will Arnett not a movie star? He shines as the disgraced magician (sorry--illusionist). We also get--STEVE HOLT! Plus an Entourage parody and the return of "Forget-me-now".
• It seems as though the disparate storylines are coming together as we move through the episodes, especially the "Cinco de Quattro" scene.
• I really didn't see the changes to Lindsay coming--going from a life of squatting to running for Congress. Seems like the "Teflon" nature of the characters is kicking in.
• Then again, Tobias' lot in life drops throughout the run. He gets opportunities to change things for the better, but then awkwardly screws it ip.
• We got a commentary on modern reality shows when Lucille becomes the leader of "The Real Asian Prison Housewives of the Orange County White Collar Prison System" (TRAPHOTOCWCPS). Jessica Walter really gets a chance to shine here.
• Things get weird (and on AD, that's saying something) when Gob and Tony Wonder (Ben Stiller) alternately take revenge and fall in love, with the help of face masks of each other.
• Maeby becomes the cement of the series--her episode ties together and resolves multiple storylines. We also learn how George Michael becomes George Maharis, who then brings us "FaceBlock", the world's first anti-social/anti-piracy/wood block app.
• We finally get around to Buster Bluth in the next to last episode. Back in the army, he becomes the first injured drone jockey, before finding Love--Congressman Herbert Love's wife. We actually get a moment of pathos in the middle of the insanity.
• The season's run ends with George Michael nee Maharis, and a confrontation with his father. I have to say I was nonplussed by the ending--many points were not resolved, and the tacked on arrest of Buster for the murder of Lucille II was just a way to say "see you in season five". I wouldn't consider that to be a certainty.

Overall, I would recommend the new season of the show--just be sure to keep your expectations grounded (which the Internet clearly did NOT do).

Arrested Development is available on Netflix.

Arrested Development?

Before we were burned too many times by FOX TV to invest time in any new show, Mindy and I adored Arrested Development. We cheered the Bluth family, and did our best to evangelize the show before it was buried by the network (in a two hour block against a Winter Olympics opening ceremony, no less). Despite various rumors, I never thought it would come back before Netflix made the big announcement--new episodes, to premiere simultaneously!

We spent the last few days bingeing on our AD DVD's in order to fully catch up (6-8 episodes a day) before digging into the new Netflix episodes. In retrospect, that might have been a mistake--the original episodes are far better. I suppose you can't go home again. So far, we've made it through 6 of the 15 new episodes, and it's not promising.

• First off, I keep getting the same feeling I have when watching "Star Trek: The Motion Picture"--the characters are only supposed to be 18 months older, but 10 actual years had elapsed since the original series. The Bluths have the same problem--it's hard to see them in a scene that supposedly occurs on the same day as the final episode.
• Speaking of looks, Portia de Rossi swears she had no plastic surgery, but it's hard to reconcile that with Lindsey's face on the new shows. Perhaps it's a joke--that she's made up to look like Lindsey had botched surgery in the interim? 
• While there are some flashes of brilliance (Cinco de Quatro, C.W. Swappigan's barter restaurant, Kristen Wiig and Seth Rogen as young Lucille and George), the whole thing doesn't hold together.  Creator Mitch Hurwitz mentioned in an interview that, at one point, he wanted to do a a kind of "hyperlinked" show, where you could watch it in whatever order you wanted, and the final product still has that sense. It's disjointed.
• While the show was always mean and featured some unlikeable characters, there's a much darker take here. Michael, in particular, at least tried to do the right thing before, but that's no longer the case. What he puts George Michael through is painful to watch.
• In the earlier shows, the characters seemed to have a "Teflon" quality--terrible things happened (mostly self-inflicted), but things turned out OK in the end. Now, the cast has gone to what Community would call "the darkest timeline".
• They are really packing in the stunt casting, aren't they? I'm sure everyone wanted in Hollywood wanted a role, but we're spending more time IMDBing some guy in the background--"isn't he from…?"--than watching the main action.
• Ron Howard (until now just an unseen narrator) got most of an episode to himself playing a studio mogul.  That wore thin fairly quickly--Opie was never a great actor.
• However, I can't get enough of young Barry Zuckerkorn--played by Henry Winkler's son Max.
• Most obscure reference so far--the cheap Fantastic Four movie from the 1990's (it actually happened, although Roger Corman produced it, not Ron Howard).

Hopefully, the remaining episodes will turn things around.  Arrested Development is available on Netflix.  

Star Trek: Nemesis

It's time for the last TNG movie--

• First, I do want to note this is the only Trek movie we haven't already seen.  Mindy and I looked at the previews and reviews, based on how bad Insurrection was, and made the call to skip it.
• The movie starts with a wedding--Riker and Troi's. They are both about to move onto a new ship, but this is quickly forgotten in the plot.
• It's always surprising to me how long people stand around  in movies when they clearly are watching a bomb about to go off--in this case, the Romulan Senate.
• Captain (now Admiral) Janeway makes an appearance in the movie, which came out after Voyager was over.
• There was a four year break between this and the previous movie, almost as long as the break afterward, after which the Abrams reboot premiered.
• Spiner got a writing credit for this movie, which explains why Data has such a large role--both as Data and "B-4".
• When the other android is found, Picard decides to put him back together--oh, that's a great idea!  No one even mentioned "Lore" during all this. He is quickly forgotten, and as always, that's a big mistake.
• We do get SPACE dune-buggies though. Do they make any sense? Of course not. How does Picard drive one off a cliff and into a shuttle to escape bad guys, who also illogically also have space buggies? No idea.
• We finally meet the other half of the Romulan Empire--the Remans--never mentioned before in Trek. Gee, I wonder if they're bad guys? Maybe the fact that they look like Skeletor is a clue.
• So Picard has a clone named Shinzon, and he's also the Romulan Praetor? Ohh-kay. He;s played by Tom Hardy, who also Bane in The Dark Knight Rises. He doesn't really look like Stewart at all--just bald.
• Wow, this movie is talky! Picard and Shinzon talk history and philosophy for several minutes.
• So, we get a rape scene--it least a mental rape--with Troi as the victim. Was that really necessary? Well, it apparently allows her to find a cloaked ship Ouija board-style later.
• Picard drives a Reman shuttle through ship hallways in order to escape--really?!?
• There's a reference to a "USS Archer"--clearly meant to tie this into the Enterprise series. You know, the one with Captain Archer who helped to create the Federation, and who was never mentioned until that series began?
• And now it's the pointless personal duel between Riker and the Reman--"you mind-raped my wife!"
• After a ship battle, another Enterprise is ruined. At least Picard didn't get to use the "auto-destruct" gambit.
• How does Geordi know exactly how "the weapon" on the Reman ship works?
• It's a space-bird! It's a space-plane!  No--it's SUPER DATA!! Unfortunately, he has to sacrifice himself to save the others. Fortunately, there's a spare…
• So was our decision to skip this movie when it first came out correct? Absolutely.

Well, that's it for Trek movies for a while--back to DS9 next time. If you can stomach it, Star Trek: Nemesis is available on Hulu Amazon, and Netflix.

Star Trek: Insurrection

Moving onto the third of the four TNG movies--

• The whole movie is about immortality and what some races will do to get it--including atrocities against their own race.
• Yet more uniform variants--this time, it's dress uniforms that look like we just got on the Love Boat
• There's innumerable references to DS9 in the beginning of the movie. It helps to explain how Worf joins them on the mission.
• Data's gone nuts! Of course, in the grand tradition of TNG literary references, Picard stops him with GIlbert and Sullivan.
• With Frakes in the director's chair, he's written in a love story with Troi. We even get a bubble bath scene (ewww!)
• There's a boatload of action in this movie--phaser shootouts, shuttle dogfights, and an exciting exodus of a village. We're supposed to believe Patrick Stewart as action hero?? He even has a love interest, and he and his compatriots go "rogue" to follow his beliefs.
• There's some goofy bits with Data as always--at one point, he becomes a "floatation device" in a lake
• Apparently, Spiner wanted to make this his last movie--he felt he was getting too old for the role. It looks like money changed that.
• Oh, it's the old "hide in the nebula bit" from TWOK!  Riker sounds like John Wayne during a battle--"we're through running (pilgrim)!" He even gets a "manual override" on the bridge in the form of a joystick that somehow controls the whole ship?!?!
• As always, any Federation personnel not on the Enterprise are evil and/or incompetent. In this case, an Admiral gone amuck ends up being taken out by the bad guys.
• It's always convenient when alien races use Earth's system of time measurement…
• The bad guys are duped by the oldest trick in the book--drop them into a holodeck, and let them think they won.
• Again with the ridiculously complicated macguffin that has to be destroyed!!  

We'll move onto the final TNG movie next time. Star Trek: Insurrection is available on Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon. 

Star Trek: First Contact

We're moving on to the first true TNG movie--no Kirk and Co. interference.  First Contact is all about the Borg, time travel, and Zephram Cochrane--inventor of the warp drive.

• As expected, Starfleet whipped up an Enterprise-E to replace the ship destroyed in Generations
• La Forge now has direct corneal implants--no more visor for LeVar Burton. Also, Data can now turn off the emotion chip at will--maybe they should have added that ability that in the last movie?
• Cochrane is played by James Cromwell, He's not the hero Trek history made him out to be, so Riker has to convince him to make history happen. Sirtis even gets to do a drunk comedy bit. 
• Meanwhile, Picard plays "Die Hard" back on the Enterprise vs. the Borg, who are a lot more creepy with movie-budget effects. The Borg Queen (Alice Krige) was added, which frankly reduces the threat by giving them a conventional villain to fight. She tries to ensnare and seduce Data with new emotions.
• We also get a cameo by the holographic doctor from Voyager (Robert Picardo), and Barclay (Dwight Schultz) drops by as well
• Zephram's assistant Lily (Alfre Woodard) ends up on the ship as well--Picard talks her down and they end up fighting together. At one point, Picard explains to her that mankind has evolved past the need for money--what about latinum?
• Picard pulls the old holodeck trick on the Borg, hiding inside "The Big Goodbye", and then fights the Borg in zero G outside the ship.
• This film introduces escape pods to the Enterprise. Again, these would have come in helpful in previous adventures.
• In the final battle, technobabble gas wipes out the Borg, with Picard and Data's help
• RIker and Geordi end up flying the first warp vessel along with Cochrane, and we get to see Earth's "first contact" with the Vulcans. Somehow, all this tampering with the past doesn't crew things up. Screw the Prime Directive!

We'll move onto ST: Insurrection next. Star Trek: First Contact is available on Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon. 

Star Trek: Generations

We're now far enough into DS9 that, chronologically, TNG completed its run.  So, we're going to take the opportunity to watch the TNG movies, starting with the hybrid "Generations" film that spans TOS and TNG. No overall plotline here--just my thoughts:

• It's clear that Paramount didn't have enough faith that TNG would transfer into movies, so they leaned heavily on the old TOS warhorses for this film. We don't see Picard and Co until 18 minutes in--and doing a goofy holodeck to boot.
• It's also clear that most of the TOS cast wisely skipped this one--only Shatner, Doohan, and Koenig accepted the check. Tuvok (Tim Russ) also manages to get a cameo minus the ears.
• Wouldn't you think the reporters, there for the maiden voyage, should be cleared from the bridge once the real action started?
• Speaking of the bridge--even on the Enterprise-B and even -D, Starfleet hasn't figured out the need for seat belts
• The TV-based Enterprise-D sets don't translate well into film--just more dramatically lit. Again, lack of faith by Paramount translates to minimal investment. Keep in mind that the first TOS film was, at the time, the most expensive film ever made.
• They did add a "stellar cartography" set, though--just an excuse for more CGI. 
• Data's "if I only had a heart/magic computer chip" storyline gets old quickly
• At one point, Picard is looking at a "SPACE" photo album--you know it's "SPACE" because the photos have a holographic border. Physical photo albums are out of date today, much less in the 24th century.
• LIke all modern action movies, there's an incredibly complicated "macguffin" that has to be stopped--in this case, a probe that will destroy a populated planet.
• In the grand tradition of Trek films, the Enterprise-D is destroyed in an impressive display of CGI. Don't worry, there's plenty of letters to go.
• I did enjoy the dramatic meeting of Kirk and Picard--and Kirk's unwillingness to leave his dream. In a nice touch, you can just barely see Starfleet china in a cabinet in Kirk's kitchen. We have one of those sets--it's in our china cabinet.
• They also included a horse riding sequence for Shatner, who's an accomplished rider and owner of quarter horses.
• Of course, the real reason Shatner came back was to get a glorious death sequence. I'm sure he was always jealous of Nimoy getting his in TWOK.

ST: First Contact comes up next. Star Trek: Generations is available on Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon.

Star Trek DS9: Season Three Wraps Up

Let's finish up the third season...

• Sisko, having nothing better to do, builds a ship with his son in "Explorers". He apparently also had time to grow a goatee. Many internet geeks complained that the "solar sail" ship they build is impossible--the sail needs to be hundreds of times the size shown for it to actually work. There's a "building the ship" montage designed to fill time in this "day in the life" episode. Jake announces he's been accepted for a literary scholarship, but unfortunately wants to wait a year (rats!), They manage to get the ship to Cardassian space, where they are treated to an (impossible in space) fireworks display. The B-story is about Julian and an old female schoolmate at the academy--she was the valedictorian. There's a great scene with a drunk O'Brien and Bashir singing together as the doctor commisserates. Turns out the other doctor, the CMO on a Starfleet ship, would rather have Bashir's job.
• Blech! Another Quark-heavy episode in "Family Business". The Ferengi is being audited--which is even worse in their society than in ours. HIs mother (Andrea Martin) is being charged with "earning profit"--illegal for a female. Andrea sounds like Edna Boil from SCTV. His old home reminds me of "The Hobbit"--lots of small circular doorways. The B-story is about Jake fixing up his old man with freighter captain Kasidy Yates (Penny Johnson Jerald). Turns out they're both into baseball.
• While the rest of the crew play darts (don't they have work to do?), Kira runs a special mission for Kai Wynn in "Shakaar". Kira's old resistance cell are now farmers, and they're holding onto macguffin devices Wynn needs to secure her position in the government. Louise Fletcher continues her mustache-twirling ways as the Kai--she tries to play against all sides and fails miserably. Of course, Kira gets way too deep into the situation as always--she spends weeks as a fugitive before turning the resistance leader into a politician. As for the B-story, the dart game is rather goofy--it really went nowhere.
• Dax has a visit with past hosts in "Facets". It's a Trill ritual that involves loaning the other host's memories to others, with the rest of the cast as guinea pigs. They all get to play a new character--it's rather like audition monologues for genre actors! For no reason, they include the murderous host in the ceremony, hosted by Sisko--Avery Brooks gives him a whole Hannibal vibe. Host Curzon (hosted by Odo) decides to hang around--oops! The whole concept makes no sense--why is she asking questions of her previous hosts, when she should already have their memories. Leeta (Chase Masterson), a Dabo girl, has apparently become part of the inner circle with little explanation--I guess they needed another female role on the show. There's a B-story with Nog training for his Starfleet academy entrance tests. As usual, Nog is goofy but earnest.
• All this dart playing, ship building, and mind-swapping have paid off--Commander Sisko is made a Captain in "The Adversary". His first mission involves the Defiant, a planet in crisis, and an ambassador (Lawrence Pressman, a Trek veteran) who's not really an ambassador. It turns out a Changeling is on the Defiant, and it's trying to start a war by taking over the ship. No one can trust another, since any of them (or anything on the ship) could be the Changeling. It's time for the ol' Self-Destruct sequence! We also get the "who's the real Odo?" sequence. There's a Changeling fight and a whispered secret to Odo--"we are everywhere"--which takes us to the end of Season Three.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

It's Pilot Season at Amazon

In the brave new world of internet television, Amazon has decided to go the traditional route with "pilots" of new original programming, many with big stars and proven creative talent. We watched several of them (they're available here)--my quick reviews…

• "Alpha House" stars John Goodman as a US Senator living with other congressman in the same house and the shenanigans that ensue. Like many of the Amazon shows, "internet TV" translates into "how many swear words can we jam into each minute?". Washington becomes a big frat house (which may be depressingly close to the truth), and writer Garry Trudeau (Doonesbury) lays it on with a trowel. Try "House of Cards" instead.
• "Betas" is all about hipster software developers--if you're not currently working on an iPhone app, most of the references will go over your head. Unfortunately, the show morphs into the standard "geeky guy wants the girl" plot. I suggest you spend a better time with Angry Birds.
• "Browsers" (apparently, "Gamma Time" was taken) follows several interns at an internet site. Inexplicably, the kids break into song--it's Glee meets The Daily Beast! Bebe Neuwirth plays the boss--I wouldn't say her portrayal is broad, but perhaps she could wear an "I'm Arriana Huffington" sandwich board to help the audience out.
• "Onion News Empire" is a slickly produced Newsroom parody with Jeffrey Tambor in the main anchor role. While it's very funny, the show seems very limited--not sure where they take it from here. Check out the mothership instead.
• "Those Who Can't" is a sitcom that perpetuates the whole "teachers are idiots, kids are in control" concept. We couldn't take more than a few minutes before moving on.
• A bright spot is "Dark Minions", an animated show starring the voices of Kripke (John Ross Bowie) and Stuart (Kevin Sussman) from the Big Bang Theory. They play slackers who end up as, well, minions in a galactic empire that is only slightly more organized than the rebellion fighting them. The only problem with the pilot is the lack of full animation--they couldn't afford it for the pilot, but I would definitely watch this show.

We skipped "Supanatural" and Zombieland, as well as the kid's shows. You can try them out for yourself at Amazon Video. 

Star Trek DS9: Season Three Rolls On

Time jumps, old age makeup, alternate universes, and military intrigue...

• O'Brien becomes a "Visionary" after a radiation accident lets him jump into the future. Romulans are on the station checking out intelligence reports on the Dominion (part of the trade for borrowing cloaking tech to the Defiant), and he sees the destruction of DS9, only a few hours away.  The time jump storyline is rather complicated, but the producers pull it off well. Our heroes keep trying to stop Miles' events from happening with no luck. Of course, there's a technobabble explanation for whole thing. We also get a great sequence with the station exploding--no CGI, it's a real model blowing up, per the Memory Alpha site.
• Bashir starts hearing "Distant Voices" after he is attacked by an alien junkie. The station is mostly deserted and trashed--he only finds Quark and Garak. He starts rapidly aging (a favorite Trek trick). He finally finds most of the staff, bickering with each other. A damaged communication system starts emitting the crew's voices--it turns out he's in a coma, and the "others" with him are actually different aspects of his subconscious. The alien takes out each of them, removing a bit of Bashir's mind when he does so. In the end, he repairs the ship and stops the alien--all in his mind--to save himself. This is really a tour de force for Siddig.
• Speaking of favorite Trek tricks--we return to the Mirror Mirror universe "Through the Looking Glass". Mirror O'Brien kidnaps Sisko and takes him back--he's needed to replace the now dead Mirror Sisko to complete a rebellion mission, Unfortunately, the mission is to convince Mirror Jennifer Sisko (who's was killed by the Borg in the normal universe) to stop work on a Macguffin device--or kill her. There's a lot of overacting, especially from Mirror Kira. We also meet Mirror Dax, who's Sisko's mistress. Vulcan Tuvok (Tim Russ) from Voyager also guest stars. Our Sisko seems to have no trouble slipping into the pirate role--even remembering all the details of his alternate. There's a very Star Wars-ian chase through Terek Nor (DS9), then the self-destruct gambit is used for our heroes to escape. You can tell the cast loves these episodes. Frankly, I think this storyline is better than the main series.
• Another two-parter begins with "Improbable Cause". There's an attempted assassination of Garak, and Odo is on the case. The attack is tracked back to the Romulans, who have apparently hired new tailors--the huge shoulder pads are gone. A Cardassian "deep throat" provides more backstory, and Odo confronts Garak. There's a whole "Obsidian Order" angle involved. A trip to track down Garak's mentor Enabran Tain (Paul Dooley) ends in their capture by the Romulans, who are working with the Cardassians to take out the Dominion. Garak sells out Odo to Tain, and we're onto part two--"The Die is Cast". The Cardassian/Romulan fleet move to DS9 and the wormhole while Tain and Garak talk over old times. Starfleet, of course, wants DS9 to stay out of it, and Sisko, of course, ignores it. There's a power play between Garak and Tain as the former's loyalties are tested regarding Odo's torture, and a technobabble device that stops Odo from changing his shape used to provide the torture. In the end, the Jem'Hadar trap and destroy the Cardassian/Romulan fleet--the Romulan commander is actually a Founder. Odo and Garak use the confusion to escape, with the Defiant giving them a hand. Apparently, this story was made into a two-parter at the last minute--and it shows. There's a lot of dialogue designed to stretch out the story rather than advance it.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

Star Trek DS9: Even More of Season Three

The cast is in peril, as well as the station, in this next group of episodes.

• Let's spin the Wheel of Character Death in "Life Support".  The winner--or loser--is Vedek Bereil, who's advising the Kai on Cardassian negotiations when a shuttle accident almost kills him. The episode turns into "Medical Center", with Bashir standing in for Chad Everett. More and more experimental procedures are tried to save Bereil's life, to the point of replacing his brain with positronic implants. In the end, there's just too much to replace, and Bashir refuses to go further. There's also a B-story with Nog and Jake--I hate the Nog character.  I also noticed yet another Kira hairstyle--she's the Troi of DS9.
• Now let's put a main character in peril--Kira--in "Heart of Stone". She and Odo are on a shuttle run and run into a Maquis battle--she ends up in a cave stuck in a crystal that threatens to envelop her (seems kind of goofy). There's even more technobabble than usual in this episode. Odo works furiously to save his friend, and when it seems all is lost, finally admits his love for her. Of course, it turns out "Kira" is just a Changeling, trying to find out why Odo wouldn't join them--the real Kira is fine. Meanwhile--Nog's back (ugh!) and he wants to go to Starfleet Academy. He's afraid he will end up like his father, shilling for Quark.
• Could a Bajoran warning of doom be DS9's "Destiny"? A rogue Vedek arrives, stating that a joint Bajoran/Cardassian scientific mission is part of an apocalyptic prophecy. Sisko and Kira ignore it until the parallels start to spook the Bajoran officer. She tries to convince Sisko to scrap the mission, and he starts to believe the prophecy too. It turns out the Obsidian Order is involved, and Sisko aka "The Emissary" has to save the day.The B-story involves one of the Cardassian scientists (Tracy Scoggins) and O'Brien butting heads on engineering--then she starts to hit on him.
• Blech--another Ferengi-centric episode! Did anyone think their antics were funny? Grand Nagus Zek (Wallace Shawn) has a "Prophet Motive", and it involves a rewrite of the "Rules of Acquisition" and a missing Bajoran Orb. Quark is forced to move in with Rom--can two Ferengi share quarters without driving each other crazy? The B-story is about Bashir and a Federation medical award. Overall--this is a terrible episode. According to the Memory Alpha site, the plotline came from an unpurchased Taxi spec script, which explains a lot.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

The Inducing Panic Affair: Act Five - Epilogue

Previously on the "Inducing Panic Affair"--we're on the local news!

Let's do a "where are they now" wrap-up.

• "Brian" went on to work in some capacity at SNL--I knew he would make it big!  I have not heard back from him since then.
• Officer Fife was later reprimanded for incorrectly discharging his firearm and injuring himself.
• Judge Deborah Pryce went on to be US Congresswoman Pryce--the only politician I would always vote for, no matter her politics.
• Two of the cast members, W.D. and Marty, and I met in 1989 after "Inducing" Panic finally aired (it took months to edit) and discussed plans for another show ("Brian" had moved on by this point). We wanted to do it in the studio, and make it a series we could easily produce. The discussion somehow got into the Flintstones, and someone said "there's your show!". We started Vast Wasteland by 1990, and the show ran for ten years. We shot the show in the studio, did little or no editing, and handed in the tape the same night.  We finally pulled the plug after getting tired of new rules from the public access station--they were cracking down after some problematic shows.  Speaking of...
• The public access station asked "Brian" and I to speak at a national conference (on our own dime) about our experiences. We impolitely declined. They later gave us the "Inducing Panic" award at the annual awards show. The station, and most of public access TV, was displaced by the internet in 2000.

..and that's all she (or I) wrote. A quick freeze shot, and then the closing credits...

The Inducing Panic Affair: Act Four - And in Local News…

Previously on the "Inducing Panic Affair" - our heroes are vindicated in court.

I assumed the whole saga was over, and went back to my normal life. A few months later, I got a call at the office from the local NBC station (WCMH-4), asking me about the whole thing.  For some reason, they were suddenly interested in a dead story. They wanted to get my footage, and I explained that I had not gotten around to picking up my camcorder at the courthouse (I guess I wanted the dust to settle first). The reporter (Bob Singleton--since retired) asked me when I could get it, and I replied that I was taking the bus to work, so it would be a while before I could arrange it. He replied "no problem--we'll meet you at your office when you get off work". I came out the front door and the Channel 4 News Van whisked me away.

We met with the judge in the case, Deborah Pryce, who was later our US Congresswoman. She and Singleton chatted for a moment, we left with the   camcorder, and they dropped me off at my apartment, promising to return with the camera after they dubbed it off. Singleton called back a bit later--could they also interview me when they came out?  Sure, why not?  Keep in mind that "Brian" was our producer, and really should have been involved--but he was back in college and out of town by that point. I picked out my Late Night with David Letterman sweatshirt (I figured it wouldn't hurt, with them being NBC and all). Singleton shot some footage with me in my apartment, handed me the camcorder, and thanked me again.

I set up the VCR to tape what I assumed would be a "and finally in the news" wacky story at the end of the news broadcast. This was during the 1988 Summer Olympics, so the news ended up being shown very late and very condensed--so my story was dumped, right? Wrong.

The news (anchored by Angela Pace, now working in PR for another station) started with a national story about a guy who was shot in a cathedral in New York. The second story--THE FIRST LOCAL STORY--was the "Inducing Panic" saga. It started with live video with Singleton from the scene of the crime--the unfinished freeway in the middle of the night. Not sure why that made sense. He gave an intro, then onto my footage, followed by a few quotes from me in my apartment. He wrapped it up with a pithy quote, followed by Pace announcing that our show would be called "Inducing Panic". Free advertising!

Next--we wrap up the story in a neat little bow.

The Inducing Panic Affair: Act Three - Law and Disorder

Previously on the "Inducing Panic Affair"--my video crew and I were arrested for "Inducing Panic", and awaiting our court date.

The local paper wrote up the event, and made it sound a bit more serious than it actually was--I got some ribbing at the office about it. I contacted the management of the public access TV station, and asked about our next steps. They informed me that, since I wasn't using their equipment, they disavowed any knowledge of the event. So much for their "video for the people--take down THE MAN" philosophy. In a huge stroke of luck, our producer "Brian" was working as an intern at one of the largest law firms in the city. We met with one of their attorneys at a local restaurant--he was ready to take on the city, and more importantly, was going to do it "pro bono" (for free). We went over the details, and he told us he would handle the whole thing--we didn't need to appear in court. We thanked him profusely and crossed our fingers.

Since I wasn't in court, the next events were described by our attorney:

By this point, the issue was getting some negative attention from the city, and it became clear they wanted the whole thing to go away--they also didn't want us to sue the city for wrongful arrest, since we had a hot shot lawyer on our side. So, the attorneys and the judge set to find ways to throw out the charges. The first step was to view the only evidence--the footage from my camcorder. Officer Fife had confiscated it, but they needed to find a way to see the video. Apparently, courtrooms at the time had little or no methods to show video, so they ended up going to the jury holding room and spent some time figuring out the connections. The prospective jurors got a good laugh from that.

The first charge to be thrown out was mine--why?  Because I wasn't on the video (because I was shooting the video). They managed to find ways to whittle down the other charges until they were down to "pedestrian on the highway" (a minor misdemeanor) for the two "Habba Vice" cops--it was on the footage, so they couldn't ignore it.

Our attorney met with us again, and gave us two options--a) fight the remaining charges which totaled $15 in fines, and consider suing the city for wrongful arrest (which he was clearly ready to do), or b) pay the $15 and sign a statement that we would not sue the city. We were basically kids at the time, and wanted this to go away, so we chose B.

So our story comes to a close?  Not quite yet. Next time, we peer through the looking glass…

The Inducing Panic Affair: Act Two - The Crime

Previously, on "The Inducing Panic Affair"--I was involved in a public access cable show, and shooting fake TV promos for Arab stereotype "Habba Habba"…

One idea for a promo was "Habba Vice"--a takeoff on Miami Vice. The concept was the very end of a car chase, with two cars stopping, Habba and his partner getting out of the car, pulling out obviously fake guns (I believe they were purple and orange), and yelling "Freeze--Habba Vice!" (Thursdays at 9). So where do we shoot this footage? Today, I-670 in Columbus can take you from the airport to downtown and the west side. In 1988, it was unfinished and financially uncertain--the west end stopped in a large pile of gravel. Looked like a good site for the promo!

We set up in the closed section near the gravel pile (of course, we didn't get a permit to do so). I was running the camera--actually my old camcorder I got as a graduation present. First take, our fake cops couldn't extricate themselves from the seat belts in time, so we set up again. In the second take, I half-heard a roar behind me, but I was too focused on getting the shot. Why weren't the guys getting out of the car?  Then I hear someone say "Whoa" behind me. At that point, I did something I still regret--I hit the pause button.

I turn around to see a Columbus policeman who we will call Officer Fife, pointing a gun at me. He ordered everyone from the cars and to get on the ground. For a moment, I hesitated, since I was holding onto my personal camcorder, and didn't want to get it scratched. But fear of guns turned out to be the better part of valor. We tried to explain that we were just shooting a video, but he wasn't listening--I think he was convinced we were taping a terrorist video, long before 9/11. He called in for backup (at one point, there were six police cars there) and moved us into the back of two of the police cars. He then commenced to argue with other cops over the whole thing (it became apparent Officer Fife was a bit jumpy and tended to overreact). Most of the cops proceeded to leave. I found out that cops carry a huge book of state laws in their trunk--I assume this is on their phones now. He sifted through it, trying to find something to actually charge us with. He finally found "Inducing Panic"--this is the one where you yell "FIRE!" in a crowded theater. It seemed that the only panic we were inducing was in Officer Fife, as he, the other cops, and us were the only people around. In any case, after a stern talking to, he wrote us up for a court date, and sent us home.

Will our heroes be thrown in the hoosegow? Stay tuned.

The Inducing Panic Affair: Act One - The Beginning

I was recently telling a supposedly interesting story from my past to a friend, and realized I have never committed it to writing. So, here we go. As on any crime drama, "the names have been changed to protect the innocent".

When I moved to Columbus, OH in 1987 to start my career, I wasted no time getting cable TV hooked up. I found a channel with low rent programs--it was "public access" TV. The cable industry, in order to ingratiate themselves and get their monopolistic contracts, offered markets their own channel to show local programs. In most TV markets, this consists of a channel showing the local weather and announcements--they would show your program if you brought them a tape, in the right format. In a few markets, however, there was an actual TV "station" where you could make shows, and Columbus was one of them. Think of it as the YouTube of the 1980s. I always wanted to do this, and quickly signed up for classes.

It was a "work as you go" effort--if you ran a camera for someone's show, you got credits to use when when renting equipment, etc. I was a cameraman for a psychic show called "Paragon Promise" for quite a while. I got to know the group taking the same classes, and wound up in a comedy show produced by a man we'll call "Brian". It was kind of a cheap version of "In Living Color"--the show was called "Jive TIme". We did a show in 1987 (keep in mind we all had actual jobs, so it took a long set of weekends to shoot and produce it), and then got together in 1988 for a show called "Inducing Panic", for reasons that will shortly become clear.  In the first show, one of the cast did a fake aerobics show called "Arab-aerobics with Habba Habba"--he wore a sheik outfit and channeled "Johnny La Rue" from SCTV. When we did the second show, we had the idea to bring the character back, inserting him into fake promos for upcoming shows. I even did my best "Guy Caballero" (again, SCTV) to introduce the concept. I've included video from the show--I hope "Brian" is OK with that.

One of the fake promos didn't go as planned, and never made it air.  Why? Find out next time...

Star Trek DS9: More of Season Three

Guest stars and time jumps in this log entry--

• Will Riker (Jonathan Frakes) drops by the station in "Defiant"--or is he? Nope--it's his transported-created clone Thomas Riker, now working for the Maquis. He plays William to get Kira to give him access to the Defiant, swipes it, and starts attacking the Cardassian empire. Why didn't the security systems recognize the difference? Sure, William and Thomas have the same DNA, but when Thomas went AWOL, wouldn't the systems be updated with this info, track William, and see if another William showed up? Thomas doesn't have the full beard--just a goatee (making him the evil Riker, per TV rules). There's also a silly subplot about Gul Dukat worrying about his son's birthday. In the end, Thomas surrenders to save others.
• Love is in the air--unfortunately, it's a disease--in "Fascination". The episode is set against a Bajoran "Gratitude Festival"--seems like a lot of new-age nonsense. The aforementioned disease brings suppressed desires to the surface--Jake's got a crush on Kira, while her main squeeze Bereil wants to be with Dax, and she in turn wants to be with Sisko. Also, Miles and Keiko are feuding (she's back from a Bajoran mission). It's all due to the presence of Lwaxana Troi--so it's a problem for Odo as well. When did this show become a soap opera? I also noticed that the crew each have one set of "off duty" clothes--you see them over and over. Why wouldn't they just replicate different clothes each time? Finally, just how far is DS9 from Bajor--why can't Miles just shoot over there to see his wife?
• It's yet another two-parter: "Past Tense". Dax, Sisko, and Bashir have a bad transporter trip--and end up on Earth in 2024. While Kira and O'Brien spout technobabble, Sisko provides exposition about this era, where the homeless are pushed into gulags, and the rich enjoy the good life (of course). Actually, based on current trends, I wouldn't be surprised if this is what the real 2024 will look like. Dax has a better time of it--a rich plutocrat takes a liking to her, and she seems to easily lie about herself. Sisko also knows that a major riot is about to happen. We hear about a "Starfleet Temporal Displacement" policy--rather like the Prime Directive for non-interference, but for the time stream. When the leader of the upcoming riot is killed defending Sisko (played by Brook's stunt double), our hero has to step into that role in order to allow Starfleet and the Federation to exist in the future. (The Defiant, with Kira, O'Brien, and Odo inside, is protected from the nonexistence of the Federation due to a technobabble bubble.) Dax and O'Brien beam back to 1930 (to the same point Kirk and Spock went in "City on the Edge of Forever", per the Memory Alpha site), 1960 (where they meet some hippies), and 2048 before they figure out the right time to rescue  their comrades. This is a "big message" story.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

Bob: I'm Getting Re-Married in the Morning

This episode features Cynthia Stevenson as Bob's daughter Tricia. She has a plan to throw her parents a surprise second wedding for their 25th anniversary--but realizes it's time and isn't ready. She really goes berserk in the episode--it's hilarious. At one point, they are in a convenience store when a stick-up happens--she grabs the gun and throws it out the door, then yells at them to get back in the car. Stevenson went on to her own series, "Hope and Glory", and has been working on various shows since. There's also a number of references on how to best reach the Wisconsin Dells (The Kennedy Expressway or the Old Milwaukee Road)--an argument I've heard from my wife and in-laws. There's a scene where hungry wedding guests begin cutting off pieces of wedding cake from the bottom, leaving each of them with a disk of cake in their hands. 

The Complete Series DVD is available on Amazon.

Star Trek DS9: Season Three Continues

We get a number of genre TV tropes in this batch of episodes...

• Is Kira a deep cover operative?  In "Second Skin", our Bajoran liaison/renegade learns that she had been leaving a double life--with the other as a Cardassian spy. They gave her false memories to perform her role in the Bajoran underground, and have now brought her back to the fold and "restored" her Cardassian features. There's even a doting father (Lawrence Pressman), trying to convince her. They show her the corpse of the real Kira--kept on ice?  Seems like a real waste of resources, just in case you would need it. Meanwhile, our heroes and Garak go on a mission to save her--they keep doing the stealth thing in the Defiant, making their way across Cardassian space. It turns out the Obsidian Order was after the father--he was the suspect. This "double life" story has been used several times on the various Trek series.
• Quark buys some ship wreckage--and winds up with a Jem'Hadar orphaned baby--in the appropriately named "The Abandoned". The baby is growing at an accelerated rate--needed to move the story along and a staple of genre television. Meanwhile, Kira is uncharacteristically perky and upbeat at one point when trying to get into Odo's quarters. Speaking of the shapeshifter, he the only one able to stop the now-teenage Jem'Hadar, who appears to know he is a Founder. Odo is assigned to care for the child--the episode turns into a lesson on racial tolerance. There's also a B-story about Jake and a Dabo girl--with Sisko trying to break it up.
• O'Brien trips an old security program in "Civil Defense". It decides the station's crew are renegade Bajorans, and locks down an ore processor, trapping O'Brien, Sisko, and Jake. It also starts locking down other systems on the station. Gul Dukat's pre-recorded messages keep playing, telling the rebels to surrender. When they manage to escape, the whole station shuts down in retaliation. Ooo and Quark are stuck in the security room and Bashir, Kira, and Dax and stuck in Ops. It's the ultimate "bottle" show. The "trapped cast" storyline is a constant of genre TV.  The real Dukat finally shows up to save the day--and ends up getting trapped on the station as well. Sisko and Co. manage to stop the station from self-destruction.
• It's Brigadoon in SPAACE in "Meridian". The Defiant is exploring the Gamma Quadrant--and a planet suddenly pops into existence. It shifts between dimensions. The planet and inhabitants become energy when they go to the other dimension, but come back into existence when they return. Of course, Dax falls in love with one of the inhabitants--I would think she is too logical to do that. They figure out how to stabilize the planet--but not before it shifts again and won't return for 60 years. The B-story is about a alien (Jeffrey Combs) smitten with Kira--he pays Quark to make a holosuite starring our Bajoran. The problem--he doesn't have a scan of Kira, and stoops to his normal underhanded ways to get it. Combs will return in other roles on DS9, Voyager, and Enterprise.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (and all the Trek series) is available on Netflix.

Bob: The Man Who Killed Mad Dog

From Newhart's early 90's TV series "Bob" (see my previous entries). I had expected to do more entries on this, but I wan't as impressed with the series as I remembered it. 

This episode references the infamous Senate hearings on the comic book industry, which came out of a hysteria generated by psychologist/flim-flam man Dr. Fredric Wertham and his book "Seduction of the Innocent". Comic books were almost made illegal (Wertham was convinced they were destroying America's youth). They were only saved when the comic industry implemented "The Comics Code Authority"--you can hear more about it in Episode 140 of the How I got My Wife to Read Comics podcast. Bob was traumatized by his run in with his version of the Senate hearings--he shows films of the event, with Bob in glasses, a wig and goatee. He has a chance run-in with his accuser who's now an old man yet manages to bamboozle Bob again.

The Complete Series DVD is available on Amazon.